Stephen F. Austin State University

A Rolling Pin By Any Other Name (February 2016)

A ROLLING PIN BY ANY OTHER NAME


Under the heading of "Letter and Comments of Old Trepur Notyep" (Rupert Peyton's name spelled in reverse), Mr. Peyton expounded upon the subject of rolling pins in the September 11, 1952 issue of The Bossier-Banner Progress. He wrote:

"Dear Folks: So much has happened recently that I'm in a quandary as to what to write to the dear people this week."

"I got the news here in Potlicker Creek that the owner of the voice on the telephone you hear when you call the court house had gone to Arkansas and committed matrimony with a fine gentleman from Plain Dealing. So she isn't Miss S. O. any more, having changed her name according to the laws of God and Arkansas to Mrs. B. A. Missed [her] while she took off from her duties to take a vacation and a husband at the same time."

"Around the court house where I go snooping to get news for my Bossier Bugle every week I found a nice looking redhead at the PBX board. When I asked for S. there was a sort of open whisper that she had gone away to get married. Well, I called S.'s home and her Mama told me that she and B. had left that day for Arkansas for the nuptials, didn't know where and who would be the preacher. But the news spread around the court house and all of S.'s friends began to take up a collection to buy her something nice for her new home."

"Well, I didn't give a cent on that deal. I'm going to give S. the thing she needs more than anything else now that she has taken on matrimonial duties, namely a rolling pin."

"Now, I believe in rolling pins and when I see a lot of bridal gifts laid out and no rolling pin for the wife-to-be I sorta think something is missing as bad as if Santa Claus didn't come Christmas. So I'm going to give S. a rolling pin of 32 carat hickory that will not only help her in her culinary duties but will aid her to maintain domestic tranquility."

"A rolling pin is more ancient than the Golden Fleece; more honorable than the Star and Garter. It is the badge of wifely authority and the scepter of the household queen. It is a culinary device without substitute and an emblem of authority without comparison."

"It will quell the most recalcitrant husband, and in the kitchen it helps knead the dough and when the little woman needs the dough, all she needs to do is to wave the distaff scepter and household allowance comes forth. Rolling pins are useful at any hour anywhere in the home. However, they may best be used about 2 or 3 a.m. in the morning when the lonely spouse greets the belated husband who has remained so late at his office that he smells like a brewery or a distillery. Funny how husbands who work so late smell that way and always get blonde hairs on their coat lapel. That's the reason I believe in regulated office hours and the best regulator I know is a rolling pin. It is even better than the flying saucer which I described last week."

Well, I don't think S. will ever need a rolling pin for anything outside her kitchen, but I'm going to give her one anyway just to insure the success of her romantic matrimonial venture."

"But may God bless you both."

To discover the identities of S. O. and B. A., and to read more of the musings of the "Sage of Potlicker Creek," visit the Bossier Parish Library Historical Center.